Welcome to The Young Adult Caregiver!

Hello!

Thank you for stopping in. I hope this post finds you well! If you are a young adult who is caregiving for another individual I want you to foremost know, this blog is for you. You are not alone. As a young adult caregiving for my elderly grandparents, I often felt like the outlier in the world. As if no one knew the struggles I experienced on the day-to-day nor did I feel worthy of speaking about it. I remember the envy I felt when seeing my friends come and go as they please, and then the immediate guilt for feeling that way. As you know, having “Mixed Emotions” is an understatement in this population.

If you are a caregiver of any age, I also welcome you to this blog. I plan to tailor posts toward younger adults (early twenties to mid thirties crowd), however strongly believe all ages will find use and support here too. All caregivers go through hardships and need TLC. This is the place to get it. My dream for this blog is that it connects you with others who are in similar situations and exudes the importance of self-care. I want you to find this blog as your safe space. Vent as you need, discuss all you want, and please share what you have found useful.

I want to provide a little information about my caregiving experiences…

For several years, I spent my early twenties (fresh out of grad school, mind you) caregiving my grandparents. It was something I didn’t see coming or a responsibility that I was competent enough to fulfill. I moved in with my grandparents two months into my graduate program due to financial stressors and needing a sound home space to concentrate on school. Little did I know my plan had at least a two-fold purpose: graduate from school and to serve in the caregiving role.

My grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 Lung cancer and oral cancer in August of 2012. It rattled me. Funny enough I was planning to move out on my own around the same time as I had just starting working full-time post-graduation. From there the trips to the doctor began. The first experience in the chemo room is something like no other. I sat with her and prayed with her. I tried to be supportive in the most ways I knew how, however often over-compensating for my insecurities and incidentally taking away my grandmother’s autonomy. (Can we talk about balancing control in another post?). Most days I felt lost. Many days I felt anxious. Am I doing enough? Am I saying the right things? What do I need to ask the doctor? What happens next? All the while I am trying to figure out who I am as an individual and find my place in life. It’s hard to process your feelings when you’ve been handed the news that someone you love with all your heart is sick- really, really sick.

In March of 2013, 7 months later, my grandmother passed in inpatient hospice. I felt heartbroken. Looking back, I can see how God was there with me through all the big and small moments…but it sure didn’t feel like it at the time. As a result, my grandfather became a widower. He was in his early eighties at the time. I remember my grandmother worrying about how he would survive after she was gone. I began caring for him in small ways: grocery shopping, going to doctor appointments, picking up medicines, picking up dinner (I’m not much of a cook…), etc. I then felt it was time to leave the nest and moved into my own house with some friends. I continued to visit my grandfather at least once weekly to spend time with him, run errands, help clean house.

Just three months ago, my grandfather passed away. He had randomly hemorrhaged on the brain and I found him lying in the living room floor one afternoon when I left work to check on him due to him not answering his phone. It was quite traumatic. A flooding of insecurity hit me: I should have done more. I shouldn’t have moved out. I should have been there when it happened. I didn’t do enough. Honestly, even though logically this is distorted, unhelpful thinking, it is still something I struggle with today. (Let’s also talk about grief in all it’s glory, shall we?).

So, even though my caregiving days for now have ended due to a series of quite unfortunate events, I still have caregivers and the work of caregiving in my heart. I want to connect with you and vise versa. Interestingly, I find myself missing caregiving quite a lot. When someone allows you to care for them, it is actually a gift. They are entrusting you with their care and their needs. They are giving you a new purpose. Again, totally understandable if we don’t see it that way all the time.

To wrap up, please comment with some topics that we young caregivers can discuss. Share with me your story. I would love to hear from you and learn of your unique gifts as  a caregiver.

All my love,

Brittany